Finding a Mentor

How to Find This Most Crucial Resource in Achieving Results

Without fail, there will be times in a person’s life where they feel like they’ve hit a wall or feel stuck. It’s the feeling where someone wants to make forward progress, advance in their career, or become better at a hobby. No matter what solution they try, they can’t break through to the next step. The most frustrating thing about it is not being able to identify what is causing this state of being stuck. Even worse than not knowing the cause of what’s causing this halt in improvement and achievement is not knowing how solve it. Quite simply, if a person has even a tiny bit of desire to improve and get out this rut, some sort of breakthrough is desperately needed.

If only there were someone that could point out or show you a different way or show you a different way of approaching a situation that you’ve never thought of before! This guidance will most effectively come in the form of a mentor, or someone that has experienced what you’re going through or someone that can identify the underlying causes of being stuck.

The right mentor will be able to identify what the underlying factors are that are causing you to be stuck and help point you in the direction of taking the steps to break through and move forward. As the saying goes, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” The student can’t be ready in a half-ass sort of way. To fully benefit from the experience and expertise of a mentor, the individual has got to be truly ready to commit 100% to their own improvement, regardless of how painful or difficult it might feel. Face it, if someone could get out of the situation that they’re stuck in, on their won, they wouldn’t need a mentor in the first place!

Finding a Mentor

Finding the right mentor for you is a process. If you’re truly ready to have someone guide you towards a solution, it will be worth it to go through the process of finding the best mentor for you. First and foremost, you need to identify the kind of results you want to experience. For example, if you were looking to get a new haircut, you wouldn’t make an appointment with a massage therapist. In the same way, there is probably already someone in or very close to your circle of friends that is experiencing the results that you would like to have for yourself.


Humble yourself, get your ego out of the way, and talk to them. Be gracious and considerate and ask if you could have a moment of their time. Tell them that you think what they experience in their lives, the things they’re able to do, are really impressive and you wanted to find out more about their process. For the most part, they will be willing to share at least a little, if not a lot, about how they are able to achieve the results they achieve. This could be in the area of career, hobbies, interpersonal relationships, finances, etc.

Initially during the process of finding a mentor, you want to take a look at your skills and strengths. I wish I could say that you can do anything, but if you’re reading this and you’re not three years old, you already have some firmly established habits and behaviors that are contributing to this rut you’re in. To be successful in your search for a mentor and achieving the breakthrough you’re looking for, understand your strengths and weaknesses, and be conscious of your daily habits. You’re looking for a mentor with similar strengths and skills so that you can more smoothly merge onto this highway towards progress instead of spending years learning how to operate a motor vehicle.

When you’ve identified a person that you potentially would like to have as your mentor, take the time to get to know them. Make asking questions and listening your priority rather than trying to impress them and flood them with what you do or don’t know. The goal is to get to know someone first, see if there is a good interaction and rapport. You wouldn’t tell someone on a first date to help solve all of your life’s problems! What would you do that with a potential mentor? If during the course of your conversation, you decide that this is someone you would like to have as your mentor, build a friendship. Ultimately, even though you will be the one that’s doing a lot of the heavy lifting, this will be a team effort to help you achieve the sort of results you want to achieve!

Evaluating a Mentor

Be very clear on the results you’re trying to achieve! If this is someone that already has the fruit on their tree or that you feel can guide you towards having the fruit you want on your tree, then this may be a very good potential mentor for you.

The initial interactions during your first few conversation can be very revealing about the potential dynamic for the mentor/mentee relationship. Was this person encouraging? Even if they weren’t the most warm person, do they offer valuable insights into the process of working towards your desired results. Were they more concerned about bragging or boasting rather than asking questions of what you’re looking to accomplish. Did they ask you questions about your existing process? Did they ask for anything in return for their assistance or did they ask for something even before assisting you?

From these questions, you’re able to see that it’s worth it to take the time to speak with different individuals, see how the working dynamic might be, and then foster a good friendship with working dynamic with the individual you identify that will have the most positive impact on your journey to achieving what you want to achieve.

The chances of you finding your perfect mentor on the first try are essentially zero. Get any sort of wishful thinking out of your head that you’re lucky and get rid of any notion of thinking that you’re gonna defy the odds. They don’t call them odds and chance for no reason. Besides, are you really willing to leave outcome of finding the right mentor to chance; the potentially life altering positive outcome of finding the right mentor to guide you through the process of becoming unstuck and having a breakthrough? Of course not! Take the time to do it right. You’ll thank yourself for it later!

Get Ready to Be a Powerlifter!

Unless you’re looking to find a mentor or coach that can help you improve your powerlifting technique, you’re not literally going to be doing any sort of powerlifting. However, after you’ve identified an individual to be your mentor, established a good friendship and working relationship with them and are into the process of working towards achieving your desired results, be prepared to do a lot of work on yourself. It’s not going to be easy work. As a matter of fact, if you’ve found a good mentor that is committed to helping you, and is will to work consistently with you on a specific course of action, you’re most likely going to find the work to be time consuming, require a lot of sacrifice and giving up your free time, and require you to adjust the way that you are used to looking at things.

Remember that your current state of being stuck didn’t happen overnight. It’s the culmination of months, most likely years, of habits, behaviors, and perspectives that got you to the point where you are today. The great news, is that you wanted to do something about it and you’ve found someone to help you through the process and that is something to be very happy about. You’ve taken two major steps in improving yourself and creating the kinds of results you want in your life!

You’ve connected with your mentor and have formed a solid enough friendship that they care about helping you achieve the outcome you want for yourself. (Take a moment to appreciate and be grateful for how fortunate you are to have that!) They are here to show you how to WIN! The biggest thing that you can do in return is to make your mentor WIN by diligently following the advice, wisdom, and knowledge that they impart on you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop feeling guilty, and start changing the course of your outcomes by getting off your ass and taking the steps that your mentor tells you to do!

Failing Forward

“Is this process going to be hard or is it going to be easy?” If this is the questions that is at the forefront of your mind, then don’t waste your own time or your mentor’s time. You should just get used to staying stuck because staying stuck isn’t painful enough yet to actually make a change or do something about it.

That is absolutely the wrong question to ask! The more appropriate questions is, “Will this be worth it?” You will see over time if your mentor has your best intentions in mind. If they do, learn to recognize when resistance comes up in you whenever they ask you do something that you’re not used to or think in a way that is outside your traditional way of thinking. You will have to learn to push past any resistance that comes up because that will just keep you stuck for a longer period of time.

You WILL be challenged, and you WILL fail during the journey. The important thing to remember is that you’re failing forward in your process to become the person you need to be to achieve the results you want to achieve. You will be challenged in ways that you didn’t know you could be challenged. It’s like going to the gym, lifting weights, and being sore in muscles you didn’t even know you had. Of course that’s the case! Prior to working with your mentor, you’ve never experienced the process and hardship of achieving the results you want.

IT’S OK! Give yourself grace. Take the emotion of out the actions and just know, analytically, that your actions under the guidance of your mentor will achieve results!

Solutions are Out There

As special and unique as we are led to believe, our experience of being human, despite our different cultures, are much more similar that we are prone to remembering most of the time. The results and outcomes that you’re looking for are not new. As a matter of fact, many people have achieved them before. The distinction, is that the results you’re looking for have not been achieved by you, yet. This is why finding a mentor is such a helpful thing to do for yourself.

Time is precious and until science finds a way for humans to live forever, take it upon yourself to learn and grow as much as you can! You won’t regret it!

Have you had a great experience with a mentor or ever mentored someone? What insight can you share about finding or working with a mentor. In your experience, how can a person being mentored benefit most from the experience? We would love to hear from you in the comments!